A Mothers Radical Love

I’d like you to meet the Mayer family. Chad and Kelly have four great boys. Just over a month ago, their youngest, Daniel, 4, was diagnosed with leukemia. Dealing with a tragedy like this, especially in a child so young, could tear families apart and usually doesn’t turn the family into an inspiration. Yet that’s exactly what has happened with the Mayers. Those on their prayer list get occasional updates and stories about Daniel’s treatment, each one an encouragement because of Chad and Kelly’s faith and determination to stay positive throughout this ordeal.

The last update sent out by the Mayers was, I think, the most powerful. Part of Daniel’s treatment involves a round of high does, powerful steroids. While some of the side effects of these steroids are comical, (like a 4 year old eating half a refrigerator’s worth of food… for breakfast) others are upsetting. Literally. It’s no secret that people who are exposed to steroids can be prone to emotional outbursts of anger often called “roid rage”, and little Daniel has been no exception. In this last update Kelly described a situation in which Daniel had been overcome by his anger for not getting his way. Daniel screamed and hit a way with his fist. This outburst hurt his hand and he went from screaming to crying. Kelly picked him up to hold him and comfort him but he responded with violence against her, beating her back with his fists and saying things that no mother ever wants to hear… “you’re a mean mommy”, and “I wish mean mommies would die” Instead of reacting with the same anger as she could have, and other others would have, for his disrespect, Kelly continued to hold Daniel, telling him he would be ok, all the while not being angry at her son but “weeping” for the “hateful monster” that had “come against” him.

What a powerful love! You might say that any mother would have done the same, and that might be true. But would I? Would you? Should we? What if it wasn’t our kids that we had to love this way, but each other? I believe that this kind of radical love, that doesn’t just see our actions but sees past them to the heart, is the kind of love that God has for us and expects us to lavish on the people around us. Christ said that the greatest expression of love was to give your life for a friend. Are we prepared to love each other that much? He did… isn’t He supposed to be our example?

Christ did in fact demonstrate for us the type of love that God wants out of us for each other. During the course of His ministry here on Earth, Jesus fed people he did not know, imparted wisdom to untold amounts of people and then bore the burdens of the whole world in His death. Did it cost Him? Yes. Was it worth it? You tell me once we’re several thousand years into eternity. After Christ had shown His disciples what love really look like and told them what he was about to do, He told them that he had a new commandment for them (John 13:34) Jesus told the men that He loved, to love each other, and everyone else, in the same way that He had loved the whole world: Giving Himself up for the needs of the people around him. That commandment applies to us too! We are commanded as Christians to identify ourselves as His children by loving other people, even complete strangers, the way that He did, sacrificially, bearing one another’s burdens.

Kelly Mayer said after this episode with Daniel (which ended, by the way, with dinner and an "I love you") that she counted it a privilege, that it felt good to share in Daniel’s pain. She even called the experience a “rich blessing”. Did radically loving another hurt her? On several levels, but it was worth it because of the bond that she shared with her son. You may get hurt in the process, you might have to share in someone else’s struggles by being open and honest about yourself, you may be required to give more of yourself than you ever have. But as Kelly shows us, loving in the way that we are supposed to be not always fun, but it is always worth it.

Is sorry enough?

They say love means never having to say you're sorry. That's not quite the case though between us and God. God loves us as His precious creation and we are supposed to love and respect Him back, in awe of the fact that He cares. But by nature and habit, we rebel against Him and do things that aren't honoring, that doesn't show love, to our creator. This lack of love on our part creates relational distance between us and God and the only way to bridge that gap is, in part, to say I'm sorry. But is that enough?

I was recently watching an interview with a man who was talking about how God had used him through different seasons in his life. While seasons were his main topic, he said something else that grabbed me. He talked about a repentence from failure. Not just forgiveness of sins, but repentence from failure. That wording spurred me to define the word repent.

Repent-1. To feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc. 2. To feel such sorrow for sin  or fault as to be disposed to change ones life for the  better; be penitent. 

The second definition is the one that struck me. Not only does repentence call for an acknowledgement of where we were wrong, but a turn away from that wrong. We like to quote 1John 1:9 when we talk about forgiveness, but all too often we read we read it as "if we confess our sins with our mouth yada yada yada forgiveness yada yada yada." We are OK (sometimes) with admitting our sins to God and asking Him to forgive them in light of our position in Christ, but how often are we willing to let ourselves feel so bad about our failure before God, that we change our lives because of it? In II Chronicles 7:14, God tells the Isrealites that healing for them as a nation would not happen until they first humbled themselves and prayed (this presumably would include forgiveness), and then, as a separate act, turned from their wicked ways. Healing would not come until they turned their backs on their past mistakes, their past rebellions.

Repentence then, involves not just recognizing my mistakes but learning from them so that hopefully I never make them again. But the man in the video didn't just say that I needed to repent for my mistakes, he said failures. That's what my mistakes really are, not just breaking the rules, but, a failure to measure up to the standards that God has set for us. And not only should we be sorry for failing God, we should be so broken by our failures that we want to change our lives because of them. That's what God expects of us.

So maybe love isn't never having to say you're sorry. Love for God seems to be more than that; saying you're sorry, meaning it, and working hard to never do it again. The video I was watching went on to talk about how a man moves from one season to another and what his priorities and objectives should be in each stage. As I am 25, they said I am in the summer of my life and that my job right now is to learn, learn, learn. As I'm in this season of learning, I want to learn that though my failure is expected, I'm expected to change my life for the better because of it. I cant just say I'm sorry, I'm supposed to repent.